Poetry Corner ~ Only Today ✍︎︎

Flying Test, Falknerei Pierre Schmidt,  January 2020

✍︎︎ Only Today ~

I have almost felt shame of this, then. Because that's not what is expected of a woman like me. 

You are expected to climb. To surrender. To subdue. In a world where you are supposed to act as a social climber and to do anything to become famous, become object, passively suffer,

keeping quiet, 

having a passion like this consigns you to exclusion. However it is also an index of resistance. 

I don’t say I did not try. To change what was around. To believe I was wrong. To deny reality. In the end it could not be so bed if other people accept this. Perpetual humiliation. Being manipulated. But for me  too much is too much.

I could not allow myself to be used and thrown to an unwanted course of things, in the illusion, always disappointed, that one day, maybe, who knows, maybe tomorrow I will get...You will not get anything like this. I can tell. I saw so many others before you. You will go the same way as all these other desperate delusional. I've been watching them for years. They are all destined to pass without leaving a trace. 

Jumping right down into the oblivion pitt. And then trying to climb to the top through a slippery surfaces until the nails get stuck into the walls; and then fall, even lower, deep into the pitt, where you throw yourself.

Instead.

I Choose. 

Say "I'd rather not to". It is also a liberation as well as a freedom.

Feel life slowly being born within. And a sense of presence. Speaking an unknown language with a being who is not even of the same specie; and not only understand each other perfectly but also trust each other, respect each other. Partnership  is based on mutual respect. We help each other to make this living a tiny bit more sustainable. Exciting. Then look into the mirror and smile if there is an extra line or a white hair. Accepting time. New challenges. Pursuing childhood dreams. Without thinking of an hypocritical tomorrow. Or what people will think about. They don’t know me. They don’t know you. Who are you? Who you really are? 

Only today. And just for pleasure. Then, instead, to win all the races, unexpectedly.

I tried in every way I tried. To love and be loved. To be as they wanted me to be. They have tried even harder, in every way, to make me be who I am not. Who I did not want to be. I didn't succeed. They did not succeed. 

I won.

Elda Oreto 

January 2020 - August 2022